In the middle of a conversation, I asked, “Don’t you feel life is running too fast?”
He answered, “Yes, it’s like a treadmill. I’m running, but I don’t have full control.”
How does he still have control when I’ve already fallen off the treadmill?
I wondered.
How is this the same person punishing himself for being great, for having the potential to be something much bigger?
How?
The truth is, everyone is moving forward, but I’m the only one who’s stopped.
Most people know what they want; they only get overwhelmed or frustrated by the barriers in their way. People have dreams—how is that possible?
I don’t believe dreams are for everyone. Do you think dreams can be had?
Dreams can’t be had, only those who have the luxury to search for them can dream. Only those who get the chance to rise again after failure can pursue their dreams.
So, the real question is, how am I supposed to be strong without dreams? How do I go on in a world so strong, so contradictory?
They call me intelligent and ambitious, but they also mock the major I chose.
They ask for my opinions, but then say I don’t know how to speak.
They tell me to brighten my soul because I look worn, like I’m 70 years old, but they turn away from the tears I cry alone.
These people are the cemetery of my dreams, burying every beautiful vision I ever thought could lead me to something bigger.
Now you see, I’ve truly fallen off the treadmill.
I ask myself, what do I do if no one helps me get back on to keep running?
The battle in my head is relentless, and I’m not equipped to fight it. I’m no well-trained fitness coach.
Still, I reach for the treadmill, though all I crave is a piece of peace to fill this puzzle of patience and strength.
They say it’s not okay to pretend you’re fine when you’re drowning, when you’re out of reach.
It’s not okay to be late, to cry in front of the mirror, to live with hurting eyes that stare into the night.
But I think it is.
Especially when no one is coming to help you get back on the treadmill, to regain control.
It’s okay to hurt and wear a mask of the opposite emotion. It’s okay to feel these things.
It’s okay.
But it’s not.